Friday, October 19, 2012

The Inner Workings

     If you want to test your relationship I have heard that building a home will do that for you.  Psh Never-mind having a son with special needs, you can get through that but the process of building and the choosing and the fighting, can and has split couples up.  We aren't even building yet, and we are already fighting about location and which company to choose, etc.  It is actually quite difficult to build a home for a child that will most likely be in a wheelchair.  There are a lot of choices, and things you can change on a floorplan.. for a price... knocking down a wall here, making the hallways wider, the bathrooms bigger, hard floors instead of carpet, and don't forget we will need a bigger garage.  We have almost narrowed it down to what builder we want, but I would really like to stay in our city we are in now, but that too also comes with a price.
    If you have a child in the same situation let me know what you have done to improve your home. Thanks!

We live in multi-level home, we have 3 staircases inside the home.  Staying in this home is not an option for us for matter how many lifts we got.  So the homes we have been looking at are ramblers.  Here is the kicker, we have to finish the basement for D&K.  I would love to have a room for Declan's therapy too.  I want this to be our last home, so it needs everything!  So now all we have to do is win the lottery to get everything we want!

If you want to look at the floorplan we are leaning towards click the link below. 
House

The two bedroom in the front and the main bath we would combine and make into a mini suite for Declan, and his therapy.  Widen the hallways and doorways, and put a ramp in the garage. The basement we would have a kitchenette and that would pretty much be D&K's domain.  It is a really pretty home, and I just hope we can do it.  It would be really nice not to have to deal with stairs.

Again if you have gone through this process let us know what we are missing.  We are learning as we go.  I am trying to make it as nice as possible for ME... I mean our family...

Also if you know of any grants to help with us getting into this new home, let me know ASAP.  I found tons to help improve our home, but none for helping getting a new one.
Thanks!!
Hug your loved ones, and wish and hope for a cure soon!



P.S.  Declan is doing great and is loving his mom.  I mean not even the grandmas can hold him... it doesn't free up a lot of time for me unfortunately but that's ok.  It takes me longer to do things, but Declan is just so damn cute I can't stop holding him.
Thanks!!!


Monday, October 8, 2012

Dreams and Wishes


It's funny how fast dreams can change or even wishes.  We got pregnant with our last child, I wanted a great pregnancy, I got that, no sickness what so ever, but Declan didn't kick the whole 9 months.  Declan was born and he is gorgeous, but the doctor noticed something was  wrong.  Then you know the rest.  So we went from dreaming of our baby rolling, sitting, walking, growing up to a healthy strong man with a wonderful life, to just having our baby live, a worthy life, not a life full of pain and sadness.  I think if I saw my baby sit up by his self I would burst into tears. Yes dreams change quick, but every time I look at our baby boy I can't help but to dream big.  My dream and wishes are for our children to grow up, become independent, go to college, have a family of their own, live a long healthy life.  So I am going to try to keep on doing that. 

We are still feeding him every two hours, he is only taking 90ml which is 3oz and we are bumping it up to 100ml now.  He likes his veggies, and won't eat fruit or the meat baby food.  We are talking with a dietitian now to help us with his feeding, we (parents) are still holding out on feeding tube.  I want his life to be as normal as I can for as long as I can. 

We will be starting on a cough assist machine soon though.  A cough assist machine is a way to clear the lungs.  SMA babies have a weak or no cough so the machine helps push in one breath and brings that one breath out.  It's like one big cough, this will help if Declan gets a cold.  Just another thing we didn't dream of.. machines all over the house... well these kind of machines. 

I am having a hard time thinking of where I should draw the line with machines and overall life support for Declan. I don't want him to have a hard life and a life with machines, but every time I look at him how can I not be selfish and keep him here as long as possible.  I think that is something we will have to think about later, if the tables turn but right now he is doing good, and is happy still breathing on his own. 

I know the doctors want us to plan for if things go worse, but I have not learned nor do I want to learn how to plan a funeral for my baby while he is still here and breathing.  I have looked but I can't dwell on it cause I just end up crying for the rest of the day.  I did want to add a video of beautiful song that I think would fit us "IF" the horrible happened. Grab tissues!!!    Coleen McMahon - Beautiful Boy

I hate the song yet love it, is that possible?  Told you to grab a tissue.  Like I said I hate to even have to look into things like this, and I don't wish it on anyone.  So give your babies kisses and hugs and hold on tight.  Ok lets move on to something else cause this blog is starting to get depressing!!

Here let me add some cute pictures of one of the cutest babies ever!!



PT time!
Happy Bumbo time

What's up duck?


Friday, September 21, 2012

Our First Cold

Sorry it has been so long since my last post. Things go from slow to really busy here all the time. So here is an update from our family.
Declan being sick

      So most of the readers here are probably wondering why I am writing about a cold.  I mean, for a normal healthy child/person a cold is nothing, it's just a pain in the butt sickness that comes every year and a few tissue boxes later you are back to normal.  However, imagine getting a cold when you already have a hard time breathing, and you are too weak to fight the cold off.  This world loses a lot of SMA babies to pneumonia that all started with a cold.  We tried so hard to keep Declan healthy as long as possible.  Then, School started and with that of course, the colds came home too.  It hit everyone in the family.  Declan made it just under 7 months before he got sick. I think we did rather well, or we were just lucky. 

Out of all of us Declan recovered the quickest, which is great to my little ears.  We were worried about how a cold would effect him. It took about a week and a half for him to get back to his feeding schedule.  He still has a cough which I had the doctor look at just to rule out pneumonia.  We are still keeping a close eye on him, but it looks like he is in the clear. 

     The doctor feels that with the cold, and RSV season coming, it would be a good idea for my hubby and I to get trained with a cough assist machine.  This is how they explained it to me.  It pushes one big breath in and then pulls that big breath out.  I know how to break up the yucky stuff which we do from time to time, but now it looks like we will get a machine to help us out.  I can imagine what this is going to do and I hope I don't lose my lunch in the process.  The things we mothers do for our children! 

     I honestly can't imagine this world without Declan so if I have to do some dirty jobs to keep him here then I will.  He gives us so much joy, and he is the cutest baby (maybe I'm bias...) His expressions are great and I don't know if it is because I am older or what but I have a lot of patience ..... well when it comes to Declan....  I am sure my hubby feels the same, and D&K just love him.  Declan's face just lights up when they come home from school.
Declan with Mommy.

Declan at his 2nd sleep study












    We also had our second sleep study done with Declan.  He didn't like getting hooked up to all those wires again but he did well.  We received the report and he is doing really well, better than last time, and the doctor believes he doesn't need a BiPap.  

 


  We have a scheduled doctors appointment with Declan's neuro docs and I am hoping they have an update on where we stand with diagnoses or give us something we can work with.  We continue with physical therapy and occupational therapy and it is helping.  Declan's head is becoming stronger and his trunk (chest and tummy) are becoming stronger too.  We still have a lot of work a head of us but we are seeing results.

      Keep sending good thoughts our way and many well wishes.  We hope we can make it through this winter without getting sick again.  Thanks to all who read our blog and I hope anyone needing information about this disease can find help and I hope I provided you with enough info to get started.  May we find a cure soon!


Tuesday, August 28, 2012

Directions/ Why it's Okay to Have Hope

Declan wrapped in a blanket from B4SMA

 So when I wrote to Families of SMA and requested an info packet they were all to happy to help.  In the packet were these magazines which they publish and send out.  It is full of information about SMA.  Research updates, info about the upcoming conferences, fundraising material, etc.  One of my, I don't want to say favorite part but it definitely means a great deal to me is the section that is dedicated to the children that lost the fight but are never forgotten.  It's called loving memories.  It is full of stories about other parents that went through the same thing we are but weren't able to fight against the odds.  I read these stories and I am brought to tears every time.  We are losing so many babies to this disease, it is unbearable.  My heart breaks every time I hear about a new death, but it makes me hold onto my hope that much stronger.  It's all we have.
   
  Which brings me to my next post I hope I don't get into trouble for it but I wanted to add some stories from this magazine onto my blog.  I see it as the more information we have about SMA/SMARD out there the better.  I hope to add stories here and there from the FSMA Directions.
 
   In the Fall 2010 V17 issue 11 of Directions in the Family Letters section page 92 for those that want to go read the whole story.
There is a letter from a mother, and she wrote about hope that I wanted to quote because I truly believe it expresses what I am going through.
      
Why it's Okay to Have Hope     By: Lisa W. Kay
     On several occasions, I have gotten the impression that someone (often a medical professional) was trying to remind me of the grim prognosis that SMA Type I carries.  I have heard of other, often more frustrating, stories from other parents.  Some individuals seem to be concerned that the parents might have "false hope."
      What I would really like to know is, how can hope ever be false?  Is hope "false" just because that for which we hope is unlikely?  Having hope would be easy if we always hoped for the likely outcome, wouldn't it?  I think I will hope that Ohio State has a winning season in football.  Maybe I will hope that Oprah make lots of money this year.  Then I would have "true" hope, right? 
       Is there a cut-off of some sort-- a point at which hope becomes false?  If the event in question only has a 5% chance of happening, then is hope false?  Maybe a 2% cut-off would be appropriate.  That's ludicrous, isn't it?
      Why is it that some folks feel it is their responsibility to bring us down to earth and give us a reality check?  I can tell you from experience that parents who have children with special needs live with reality smacking them in the face daily.  There is no way to escape the demands that Julia's condition has placed upon me; there is no running away from the latest update telling me that yet another child with SMA has died.  Having hope doesn't mean letting go of reality; it means living with joy, dignity and determination in spite of it.


I mean WOW. I loved it, that's how I feel.  I am sending a big Thank You to that mother for putting it into words for me. Great job.
There are tons of stories in these magazines, and I hope I can spread the word.
Help us find a cure go to Cure SMA. 

Declan's toys

The care package from Families of SMA
     You may think regular baby toys would work just fine for babies with a neuro-muscular problem but you would be wrong.  A lot of those toys are too heavy for babies with SMA or SMARD or a neuro-muscular disease.  These babies usually become completely hypotonic.  Which means they have less than normal tone or tension in their muscles.  If they are like my son they can't lift a heavy rattle, it's got to be light weight and thin so it can fit into his small palm.  So I wanted to give families a list they can use for their child with this (bleep bleep) disease.
      Thanks to Families of SMA they sent a care package full of fun goodies for our son.  Tons of stuff that will help with Declan's development.  Remember if you are newly diagnosed with SMA you can go to families of SMA and they have tons of info about this disease, and will help with any decision you make. Oh did I mention they also take donations to help find a cure...  Just in case you weren't listening before.  I should mention that FSMA got a lot of their donations for these care packages from families that have or had a child with SMA.  You can read about one such family here.
      SO!  Don't be discouraged of all the daunting tasks that will come your way, just take one day at a time, or in some cases one hour at a time, and remember to breathe.  After all, toys are not going to be your child's favorite thing in the world.. you are!  They will love you and all you have to do is love them too.  But since I haven't figured out to have 10 arms yet I am guessing neither have you.  Yes, back to this list that I never seem to write about.
     (1) These babies love mirrors!  Yes, they love to see things behind them, and love to look at themselves.  Yeah, a little vain but can you blame them they are beautiful! 
     (2) Anything with texture.  Not just soft things either, and since you don't have to worry about the baby putting things right into their mouth you can use things around the house.  Tissue paper or cellophane work great.  Just put it under their hands so they can "rake" their fingers across it. You use texture to stimulate your baby since they can't find these things on their own you need to be the one that shows them.
     (3) Fisher Price projector, you can find some that play music or nature sounds, but it helps children that can't sit up be able to lay down and look on the ceiling.
     (4) Little foil balloons, you can get them at walmart for a couple of bucks.  EZ to fill no helium required, and the straw makes a great handle and is light enough for them to hold on to.  Regular balloons would work also just be careful of it popping in their face.
     (5) Pinwheels,  they shine in the light and spin in the wind, what more could you ask for.
     (6) Fisher Price Swing for infant/toddlers, it reclines enough so your baby doesn't get that pressure on their belly.  You can put it right on your swing set like us or a tall tree or even make something with wood to use it inside. (I am thinking that will be our next project so Declan can use it inside for the winter.)
     (7) Bubbles!! I mean get real what kid doesn't like bubbles.  But go the easy route and get a bubble machine, easier on you. 
     (8) Oball (you can look it up on google)  This little ball is very light weight and has holes all over so my son can grab on to it.  He is already loving this toy FSMA sent to us in the care package. 
     (9) Links.  They are great to link things low enough to tug on.  Can be used to attach various toys to swings, car seats, etc.  Also can be used as teethers, as regular teethers may be too heavy.
    (10) Finger puppets,  lets not forget we need to keep those minds sharp and what better way then to play.  You can use these finger puppets to tell stories or sing songs with your baby.  They will love the interaction.
    (11) Feathers, they are light weight and the babies can grab onto them.  Not to mention it is another texture that I am sure the babies will love.
    (12) Baby print molds.  Ok so this isn't really for your baby but more for you.  For those long lasting keepsakes that you will cherish.
    (13) Cat toys.  Yes you heard me cat toys are small, light weight, and they have bells inside.  They fit right in the palm and some even are crunchy to give them that texture.
    (14) Baby Einstein DVD, Books, & CD collection.  That's right these babies are already Einsteins but why not add to their knowledge with these cute little characters.
    (15)   Beanie Babies.  I say "finally these things come in handy."  You can use them to prop up your babies arms so they can use them and also to prop up any other part of their little bodies.
    (16) Light weight rattles.  Make sure they are skinny enough around too so they are able to clasp on.  Most baby rattles now are too fat around, so one of my helpers from early intervention found this mini maracas at a party store.  You can go to this link to look at them mini maraca.
    (17) Silkie blankets are soft and warm and again adds another texture to their list.
    (18) ABC Painting Sponges.  Super light weight, they are washable, and you can use them with paints, or flour, anything really.  It helps their development to get down and dirty.
    (19)  Sheep Skin Blankets.  Example Bowron Sheepskins (google it) The sheepskin blankets have been found to help with preventing tissue breakdown and to reduce the need for turning children that cannot turn themselves.  These blankets can make it more comfortable for any kind of prolonged positioning. In cold weather, the sheepskin blanket will help keep your child warm and in hot climates, the wool absorbs moisture leaving your child drier and more comfortable.  (My son loves his)
    (20)  Baby plastic spoons may be light enough for your child to bring it to their mouth.
    (21) Little flags, they have a small handle and are light weight and your child can watch it wave in the air.
    (22) Bumbo with tray.  I know recently these were put on a recall, but with SMA/SMARD babies I don't think we need to worry, our babies can't move anyway.  So I don't think they would be falling over.  Just remember to do as it says on that back sticker and not put your child up on a table or counter, cause yes they can fall.
Oh and don't use it in the bath tub, I heard one person did this and I thought it was the dumbest thing in the world to do, the bumbo floats you doof. 
     (23) A Little ball or even a yoga ball.  If your baby is like mine they don't like tummy time.  By having these you can use them with your physical therapy time.  I suggest you have your OT (occupational therapist) show you exercises you can do that will stretch their bodies and hopefully gain strength in their trunks.  Sometimes gravity is your friend and will help you with your exercises.  (picture below)
     (24) Boppy pillows are great for tummy time, and to get them to work on their head control.  Hopefully yours like it more than mine does.
     (25) Baby toys that vibrate.  There are quite a few out there and I am sure any of them will work.  We have some that you pull a string and also ones that are kind of like a ball, but it is a little heavy so you have to push the button but he careful those things are kind of slippery... Let just say Declan is a little weary of that toy now...
     (26) Glow worms.  My son loves his.  They light up and play music, it is a perfect comfort doll for you baby.
     (27) Pedi-wrap braces. If your baby has Contractures like mine then you are probably working on his legs and arms by stretching.  Talk with your PT (physical therapist) about getting these braces for your child.  Hopefully your insurance will cover them.  They have helped my child.
      (28) Water Noodles, you can normally get them at walmart during the summer for under $2.00.  Stock up because you can't get them in the winter.  You can use them for bracing your baby in things like chairs or toys, like the saucers.  You can cut them and mold them around your baby to get that extra pressure off of their stomachs, and give them the support they need.
      (29) Baby swim neck collar.  Yeah they look funny but for babies with this disease they are great to use in the water.  Water therapy provides zero gravity exercises for you baby.  You may have to use weights on their ankles so the legs don't float to the top.  You want to use warm water 90 degrees - 100 degrees.  But for babies that aren't able to move their limbs the water soothes them and helps them work in a zero gravity environment to build up their muscles.  The hard part is finding a pool were it isn't public (germs) and it is warm.  Wish list for our next house is to have a heated pool.  Hot tub could work just watch the temperature.  www.waterwaybabies.com
       (30) Bouncer and Saucers.  The bouncers vibrate and play music, they recline enough for your baby.  Saucers let your child be in the standing position. Even though they can't stand it is still good to put them in those positions.  You will most likely have to use the water noodle so they are stable in it.
       (31) Swing and Playmat.  Swings you probably get, a lot of babies like swings, ones that play music are great.  There are tons of playmat on the market now.  If you can find one with an attachable mirror that would be useful, and don't worry if the toys are too high you can use your "links" to give them more length. 
       (32) Body Pillow.  Of course you can't use the adult size pillows but you can make them if you are handy with a sewing machine.  They are used to help prop up your baby on their sides or under the legs.  Make them small about infant length (24" +/-) and fill with stuffing to make them soft but not to hard. (please note: these pillows are meant for positioning purposes only and not meant to be used as an actual pillow for under your child's head.)
       (33) Radio Flyer Wagon.  Once the babies lose muscle tone and cannot adequately support themselves or lose their swallow and must remain horizontal, the wagons are beneficial for transporting them around the house, yard, doctors' offices, etc.  The babies love to be pulled around in the wagons and seem to me more comfortable to them rather than being picked up and carried.  Particularly after they become more hypotonic.  Attachments can be added to the wagon like favorite toys, tie balloons, or feeding bags.  For comfort, you could use egg-crate foam, memory foam, or the sheepskin blanket.
        (34) Latex nipple tops.  If you find your baby having trouble latching on to the silicone nipple tops or binkies. Try latex tops.  We had gone through so many tops trying to find the perfect one for our son.  It was by chance that I tried latex and he finally drank a whole bottle.  The silicone became too slippery and was hard for him to latch onto.  Latex has texture that is easier for them to latch onto.  He started doing better with his feedings.  His favorite is the Enfamil standard flow nipples.  Hopefully your baby isn't as picky as mine, it took a lot of trial and errors to find the right one.
        (35) Wind Chimes can be hung outside on a swing to be played by the wind.  Your child could also use other toys such as the balloon on a stick to make the wind chimes move and play music. 
        (36) Put stickers on your nose and have your baby pull them off.
        (37) Car beds make traveling more safe and comfortable.  Car beds are very important for transporting Type 1 infants.  The FSMA Equipment pool may have some available so please contact Colleen at equipment@fsma.org for more information.
        (38) PVC play gym.  Since most SMA type 1 babies need to lie on their backs, it can sometimes be hard to adapt toys to suit your child's needs.  One way to help entertain your child while they lie on their back is to build a PVC Play Gym which will allow you to hang toys and objects directly above your child and will help them play independently.  This PVC play gym can be completed in well under 2 hours and costs less than $30 using basic items you can find at your local hardware store.  I will add the "how to" in a later post.
        (39) MUSIC!  You can go to www.playlist.com and make a playlist for free.  Of course you can make one just for you with your favorite music, but I suggest making one for your baby too. With calm, soft, inspiring music. I made one for us called Baby Calm you can go HERE to listen to it. 

I am sure I can go on and on about these things.  Believe it or not I received most of these items through Familes of SMA so again if you are newly diagnosed with SMA/ SMARD you can go to families of SMA   you can receive an information packet and a care package. DO IT!
If you have anymore suggestions or know things that you have found to be useful go ahead and comment, and good luck to you all.  May we find a cure soon!
therapy time using the ball and a mirror.

Friday, August 24, 2012

A story by K about D

D & K

August 24, 2012

   K wrote a story about her big brother D in school and she wanted me to post it on our blog.  Enjoy.

How My Big Brother Is A Geek
By: K

My big brother is a geek because I tell you what he doesn't get off of his computer unless my mom says to.  He stays on it no matter what.  He'll not even get off when his friend is here.  So sometimes when I go down there he says "K" get me something to eat, but I'm like no way jose, so I say why not do it yourself.  My brother says cause I'm to lazzzy to get off of my computer and I'm in the middle of a battle on Skyrim.  I say you can't get food unless you get up and get it yourself because I'm not your maid here.  So he says ah just forget about it, and he goes on and on about his computer. yeah yeah.  I told you he never gets off his computer.  He finally gets off when he eats dinner but leaves the game on, and when he is done eating he just gets on his computer again!  But I turned off his computer and  he said "K"!! did you turn off my computer!!! I said what are you talking about but I was also smiling.  Then when he turned it back on my mom called time for bed.   But I wasn't going to bed until he did.  He just turned on the radio and sat in his chair and got back on his computer and played and played... and played.  He is the person who is weird because even if his best friend is here he just plays on his computer, and then finally he goes to bed.  The next day my mom called down to us time to get ready for school.  I woke up but "D" woke up before me and he was already done getting ready but he wasn't done all the way because he didn't brush his teeth and nobody was awake when he got up so he tried to get away with play on his computer.  But there was no way he was getting away with it, and after I was done getting ready it was 8:20 and that was the time to go and "D" was upset cause it was time to go and he wanted to play.  But he couldn't skip school, so when we got to the bus stop he got a little ornery because when he is off of his computer he is unhappy.  So he was kind of mean to his friends, even me.  Well he wasn't that mean to me he just ignored me but he was really mean to his friends.  But I managed to calm him down.  But not all the way.  After school he got back on his computer but I said you need to do your homework, and he said you need to do your homework too.  But I didn't have homework.  So "D" did his homework but skipped his spelling and I didn't let him so I helped him with his spelling but he sat down and did nothing but I told him the faster he studies the faster he can play on his computer.  So then he did it, and after a friend came over and wanted to play.  I said sure let me ask my mom, so I asked my mom, and she said yes.  So I went to "D" and asked if he wanted to play too.  He said yes and I said all right meet you at his house ok?  We went out side which I don't get because he wasn't ornery but when he asked to play on the Xbox he got a little ornery because our friend was grounded from it.  Then the next day he got to play, and he was happy.
The End

Who knows this could be the early work of the next Sherrilyn Kenyon (My favorite author), or Stephanie Meyers. ;p

The Perfect Marriage

August 24, 2012

      In this post I thought I would write about something that is really important to me,  my marriage. For the best marriage ever you should follow this simple rule:

   1: Don't listen to me I have no idea how to make the best marriage ever.

    Our marriage is not clean, or peaceful; we fight, and curse.  We also love, and respect each other.  Has it been easy? uh, HELL no...  We celebrated our 11th anniversary this year, and it took ten of those years to get my hubby to finally put his clothes into the hamper.  We never imagined we would make it this far, and we know a few family members didn't think we would either.  Yeah, you know who you are, thanks for betting at our wedding.  By the way I think hubby and I won that bet so feel free to deposit our money into the bank.  ;p
     I would say our first few years were the hardest, the first year especially; we about gave up so many times.  But I am glad to say we stuck with it.  Marriage isn't just about loving that person, it tests so many things.  Patience, which I will mention I still don't have; friendship, lets face it your spouse becomes your best friend; and strength, and yeah you guessed it we tested that one too.
    It sounds like our life is hard and without humor with all these struggles, but we laugh...  I think that is what has kept us together for the most part, our sense of humor.  We make each other laugh and with things going on in todays life we all need a good laugh.  Even when we are fighting we have made each other laugh. 
      Let me tell you a story about one of our many fights:
    We were fighting, yelling, screaming, really mean rotten stuff.  I got so mad I picked up a glass and since I didn't want to clean up the mess on the floor I threw it into the sink.  Well the sink apparently didn't want that glass and so it bounced out of the sink flew through the air and landed between my hubby and I, where, of course, it shattered.  Obviously, hubby and I were just stunned; I mean, how does that happen?!  But hey it stopped the fight, we even chuckled ... a little.. but now we can really laugh about that, and you know what... we can't even remember what we were fighting about. 
    So as I have said we don't have the perfect marriage, I don't know anyone who has had a perfect marriage either.  The only advice I can give someone is to go through things together.  Share your hopes, dreams, and fears with your loved ones.  Isn't that what love is?  Absolute trust and blind faith in that one person?  If you can't trust your spouse, who can you trust? 
     Life is short, most fights aren't worth the argument.  I can honestly say I love my husband, he has helped me become who I am today.  An independent, strong, handyman of a woman.  May your spouse help you as well as mine. 
   In ending I will share a fear with you:   I fear our love will be tested the hardest in the near future.  We both hope we can make it through, and come out stronger on the other side.  Hug your loved ones, for tomorrow they might be gone.